Flashbacks and Forgiveness
by ladybug114
Summary: After Xemnas, after everything, Riku and Sora have some time to themselves. A story about trauma, forgiveness, and friendship.


**A/N: originally posted on AO3 on November 13th, 2019. I'm ladybug114 on AO3, and I'm way more active over there, if you want to see my fics when I publish them! anyway, I've been binging kh playthroughs recently, and I really wanted Riku and Sora to talk about the events of kh2 and reverse/rebirth. when I wrote this I hadn't seen anything past kh2, so there are a few canon inconsistencies, but nothing major. hope you enjoy, and please review!**

A year was a long time to wait.

In that year, as Riku worked for DiZ and watched the Organization and waited for Sora to wake up, he realized that a lot of time _waiting_ meant a lot of time _thinking_. He thought about a lot of things, in that year. Mostly, he thought about the way things were before - the way Kairi rolled her eyes whenever Riku and Sora challenged each other to another stupid competition, the way Sora always tried to glare but couldn't help but laugh when he inevitably lost, the way Kairi's smile got bigger the later they stayed awake, the way Sora would grab his hand and drag him on a hundred new adventures, the way Sora laughed when Riku used his head as an armrest, the way Sora grinned at them both like they were the most important people in the world.

What had Riku ever done to deserve those looks?

He tried not to think about anything After the island, but it was almost impossible. Maleficent's smile as she convinced him that Sora had abandoned him, Kairi's lifeless body in his arms, Sora's face as Riku threw the wooden sword at his feet, the power of Xehanort's heartless coursing through his veins, the fight, the darkness, the door.

The door.

The way Sora had looked at him, on the other side of the door, that was forgiveness… wasn't it?

And even if it had been, who knew if Sora would still feel the same way now, a year later? Maybe Sora had realized, as Riku himself had, that the darkness had never really left, that Xehanort's heartless was still there, still inside him.

But then the world almost ended, again, and Riku and Sora stopped it. They fought Xemnas, back-to-back and side-by-side, and they won, and they made it back home, together this time.

Home.

It was odd, being back on the island. Riku wanted to relax, to enjoy the time that he never expected to have, but he kept finding himself looking out to the horizon, waiting for… something. For the other shoe to drop. They had saved the world, the universe, but how long would that really last? How long until someone else decided to make their mark by destroying everything they knew and cared about?

Kairi went back to school, but Sora and Riku had missed so much that it didn't make sense for them to join midway through the year, and Riku was okay with that. He didn't know if he could handle something as normal as school, not so soon after everything.

Riku and Sora spent most of their days paddling out to their island, sparring and training sometimes, but mostly just sitting or wandering, thinking and processing.

One day, Riku finished a leisurely stroll around the island and returned to see Sora standing at the end of the dock, looking up and out into space. Riku approached quietly, not wanting to bother him, and gently put a hand on Sora's shoulder, trying to make sure he was okay.

He must have been too quiet, though, because Sora turned quickly, wrenching his shoulder out of Riku's grip, and Riku found himself transported back, back to one of the memories he had tried so hard to forget.

* * *

_Destiny Islands was crumbling around him, and Sora was there, his back to Riku, looking out at the hurricane whipping around them. Riku knew it wasn't real, that this island was a construct of his memories and of Castle Oblivion, but it looked and felt and sounded so real. _

_And Sora… _

_In that moment, looking at his best friend, Riku forget that it was an illusion. He _missed _Sora, more than he thought was possible, and here he was._

_But then Riku reached out, and before he had time to process what was happening, Sora was standing over him with the Keyblade drawn, trying to fight him because of the darkness still inside._

_And Riku… he didn't fight back. Couldn't fight Sora, not again. _

_And Sora destroyed him._

* * *

Gasping for air, Riku came back to himself and realized that he had stumbled backwards, falling onto the dock. Sora stood above him, and even though there was no Keyblade in his hand, even though the look on his face was more concern than anger, the moment was too similar to his memory. Riku scrambled backwards, away from Sora, throwing his hands up over his face, knowing that it would do nothing to protect him.

There was quiet for a moment, and Riku's arms shook as he struggled to catch his breath and waited for… for something.

A minute passed, and then another, and then Riku sensed more than saw Sora step forward and kneel in front of him. "Riku?" he said, quiet and sad and maybe a little bit scared, staying close but not too close.

Riku breathed, slowly, in and out. This was Sora, the real Sora, not an illusion created by Zexion to mess with his head. Sora, who had searched for him across the universe _twice_, Sora who had forgiven him once at the door to darkness and again at the Organization's castle, Sora, his best friend, one of the only people who could still make him laugh. Slowly, carefully, Riku lowered his arms, his forehead falling to rest on his knees. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not sure if Sora could even hear him.

"Did you have a flashback?" Sora asked, still soft.

Taken aback, Riku looked up at him. "What?"

In the quiet, Sora had shifted until he was sitting cross-legged next to Riku, looking out at the sea once more. "A flashback," he repeated, turning his head to look at Riku.

Quickly, Riku looked away. He didn't think he could handle eye contact right now.

Sora didn't seem to mind, and simply continued, "I get them too, sometimes. When your memories seem more real than everything else."

"Yeah," Riku murmured, wondering why they had never talked about this before. "What are yours about?"

Sora hummed for a second, thinking. "Kairi, sometimes. If we're hanging out, and she's lying down, I start to panic about it." He huffed out a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck, and continued, "Those ones are embarrassing sometimes. Recently, though, they've been… well, they've been about Xemnas. And… and you."

Blinking in surprise, Riku turned to look at him. "About me?"

"Yeah," Sora said, and this time he was the one to avoid eye contact. "You… you took a hit for me, in that fight. Sometimes I… I forget that it didn't kill you. Sometimes I think that I went through the portal and got back here alone, that I had to leave you behind." Sniffing a bit, Sora rubbed at his eyes. "Sorry. Didn't mean to unload that on you."

"No," Riku said, suddenly feeling even more guilty than normal, "you're my best friend, Sora, you're allowed to tell me things."

Even though his eyes were still watery, Sora turned back to him and smiled. "Thanks, Riku."

Riku ducked his head, embarrassed, but let himself smile back, just a little.

There was quiet for another moment, and then Sora asked, "What… what was yours about?"

Riku sighed, lowering his head to rest on his knees again. "Castle Oblivion," he said, the words almost completely muffled by his legs.

"Oh yeah," Sora said, "you… you fought some of the Organization there, didn't you?"

Riku hummed an affirmation. They didn't talk about Castle Oblivion very much - Sora had trouble holding on to any of the specifics about it. He knew that they had both been there, and that Namine had something to do with it, but that was about it.

He thought Sora might ask him another question, but he stayed quiet, seemingly waiting for Riku to continue if he wanted to.

Riku didn't want to, not really, but he felt like Sora deserved an explanation. "One of the members, Zexion, was a master of illusion. He brought me here, to the island, but… but on that night. The night it fell apart." Riku ran a hand through his hair, raising his head to look out at the sea, the memory coming back again. "And… and you were there, Sora."

"What did I do?" Sora asked, quiet, but Riku had the feeling he already knew the answer.

"You attacked me with the keyblade," he said, eyes pointed firmly away from Sora's face. "You said you had to, that it was your job to get rid of the darkness, and that… that meant getting rid of me."

"You didn't try to fight."

Surprised, Riku turned to look at him. He didn't know what Sora's reaction would be, but he wasn't expecting that. "What do you mean?"

"Just now," Sora said, gesturing behind them, "you were back there, right? You thought I was going to attack you, but you didn't try to fight back." He lowered his arms, slowly, and turned to look Riku right in the eye, the first time since this conversation had started. "In… in Castle Oblivion, when I did that. Did you fight back?"

Riku swallowed, Sora's gaze almost too much to handle. "No," he whispered, the word almost getting caught in his throat. "I couldn't. Not again."

Sora's face crumpled, just a little bit, and then in a movement so sudden Riku didn't have time to process it, he leaned forward and pulled Riku into a hug.

Riku stiffened, taken aback, but Sora held on.

"I'm sorry," Sora whispered, practically talking into Riku's hair. "I'm sorry you had to go through so much, but mostly I'm sorry you did it alone."

Slowly, hesitantly, Riku raised his arms, gently returning the hug. "It's not your fault, Sora."

"Still," Sora said, tightening his grip, his hands grasping the back of Riku's jacket. "You're not alone anymore, okay?"

"Yeah," Riku breathed, letting his head fall onto Sora's shoulder, feeling lighter than he had in over a year, "okay."


End file.
